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Welcome to the final 52 Project photo!



It's not a great photo, I admit. Like many families we've spent the week of 18-24 December frantically trying to make sure that Christmas runs as smoothly as possible, balancing routine against festivity, working out meals against supermarket opening times, doing last minute wrapping and so on. Just to make it that bit more challenging we went to visit Steve's mum - only for about 30 hours but that means as well as presents there was all the overnight stuff and all the eating stuff and all the stuff in case stuff gets covered in food before, during or after the digestive process... So there have been few photos and even fewer good photos.

Nevertheless. I'm glad that I did this and I intend to do it again next year. One photo a week is a nice amount to spool through and watch the changes. It's been an achievable blogging target and one I would not have managed without the regularity of a weekly post and the inspiration of just picking one photo from the previous seven days.

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I spent all weekend wondering which of these pictures I wanted to be this week's 52 Project photo but I really couldn't decide, so now it's Monday morning and I'm posting both of them.

First up, we have Jamie's second trip to the German Christmas Market in Birmingham. The first time I took him, he was all of about 7 weeks old and spent almost the entire time we were there snuggled up asleep. This time, he's rather more active... we had christmassy songs in the car on the way there and then let him loose in the toddler section of Teenie Weenies soft play (level 2 of the Moor Street car park; totally recommend it). Gave him lunch there as well, and then set out into the Market - upon which he promptly fell asleep in the sling on my lap. But eventually he woke up and seemed to be very interested in all the lights and sounds and smells.



(Also, I love his reindeer boots. They're warm for him and soft for me.)

The second photo is of Jamie about to read The Shepherd's Crown, the last Discworld book by the late Terry Pratchett.



No, really. He likes me to read out loud. Usually this takes the form of him selecting one of his rather shorter and more age-appropriate books and holding it up to the nearest adult with an expectant look on his face, but now every so often he'll climb up on me and reach for my current book, pulling it off the shelf if I let him. And then I read out loud while he cuddles up and occasionally gives the book a respectful stroke.

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This is Jamie's current best toy - an empty nappy box.



He needs help getting in and out of it, but he can communicate that. He can also make clear to us which toys or books he wants to have in the box with him. He laughs his head off if you slide him around the floor in the box, but enjoys just sitting in it too, occasionally trying to fold the flaps shut around himself. Carrying it around the room is another box function, and wearing it as a hat, and encouraging others to wear it as a hat. Plus of course the infinite joys of putting Things into it and taking them out again.

It's a beautiful thing, if a little unhelpful at the time of year when people ask "so what is he into?"

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It's been a while since we had a food picture, so here is Jamie with an apple.



Where practical, I like to prepare Jamie's food at the table where he can see what's going on. He can't eat an apple in this form, but I usually let him handle it for a while before we cut it into slices and share it. I admit that I also enjoy the idea that a single apple is one of my 5-a-day, but that the same apple shared between me and Jamie is one of the 5-a-day for each of us.

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Another indoor photo, this time with bubbles.



We have a book in which the main character is devastated by his balloon bursting, until his friend suggests blowing bubbles, which are supposed to float away and pop. It's often nice to follow it with bubbles of our own and Jamie loves them. I have to be outside the railing, otherwise he just wants to grab the bubble wand. It's much more successful than outdoor attempts - wrangling a powerchair and a just-walking child and a bottle of bubble mix and a wand and unpredictable wind currents was no small task!

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Our days continue to hold lots of trips to parks - or failing that, around and around our back yard - investigating leaves and twigs and mud, and practising walking.

But this photo record of Jamie also needs to include the great love of his life, which is his books.



Jamie adores books and is getting the hang of taking a book to an adult and gazing up hopefully at them so that they'll read to him. But he also likes to spend time "alone" with his books, by which I mean under supervision but without me interacting or interfering. He opens up several all around himself, as if he's cross-referencing. Occasionally there will be some obvious common denominator between all the open pages, like they all show different depictions of the same animal, or they all have similar colours. Other times, if there is a link I can't see it. In this picture,for instance, we have "that's not my badger! Its paws are too rough," Pip and Posy trying on clean clothes after a Little Accident, Mr Horse going clippety-clop, faster faster with Cat and Dog and Pig and Duck riding on his back, and Little Owl falling out of the nest at the beginning of A Bit Lost. Suggestions of what the link is will be welcome in the comments.

Breastfeeding Myths

All other things being equal, breastfeeding is best for babies. Current WHO advice is to breastfeed exclusively for the first six months, and then alongside other foods for as long as you and your baby both want to, which they suggest could be two years or beyond. There are many good reasons to choose breastfeeding.

There are also a lot of bad and misleading "reasons" that get spewed forth with the good ones.

1. It is cheaper because it doesn't require special equipment.

Unless, of course, you want to be at all comfortable and retain any dignity while doing it. In that case, you will need a full set of nursing bras, which means sleep ones and daytime ones, and because your body and breasts will keep changing size and shape, you need to get re-fitted every few months. It will cost hundreds of pounds and comes as quite a shock to those of us who, pre-pregnancy, were small enough that bras were more about decoration than support.

Then you need breast pads, to avoid getting massive wet smelly circles of milk soaking through those expensive bras and making stains on clothes and upholstery, and also to try and stave off the risk of infection. A box of 60 decent ones (like other feminine hygiene products, value-brand ones are false economy) is about £6 and lasts 15 days (you use two pads at a time, obviously, and if you have a day bra and a sleep bra that's two sets per day) so for the two years the WHO recommend you breastfeed, that's about £300.

You'll probably want some nursing tops as well, if you want to feed on demand and intend to ever leave the house. In summer it's not too bad, you wear a vest that you can pull down underneath a lightweight shirt or top that you can either open or pull up. The other 40 weeks of the UK weather year, I for one want my shoulders and back and tummy to stay covered. Not just for modesty either, although that's part of it. But hoicking up a winter jumper on one side means trying to feed the baby around a huge amount of smothering, view-obscuring cloth while half of your back muscles scream in lopsided agony from the chill. It's not a nurturing experience! So you need tops. At least eight, to start with, because you need to account for laundry turnaround time and additional changes due to vomit and other fluids. At £20+ each that's another couple of hundred pounds. But eight tops won't see you through two years. I'm embarking on my second winter and the tops I wore last year are... well... they look like they've had a year of hard wear and are nothing like as warm or as presentable as they were at first. Also, after a few months, while a body might not be quite what it was, it's not post-partum shaped so anything that was marketed for pregnancy *and* nursing looks ridiculous, with armfuls of cloth over a bump that no longer exists. People ask me when I plan to stop nursing Jamie and I'm only half joking when I say not yet, I've spent £150 on nice warm nursing hoodies so it'd be a terrible waste of money if I stop now!

You could get a nursing cover, although I wouldn't recommend it. And you're expected to take breastfeeding vitamins as well, at about £15/month that's another £360 over the two years.

Basically I want to bang my head off things when people assert that breastfeeding is "free".

2. It saves a lot of messing about with bottles and steriliser and so on.

True, but only to a point. If you have any intention of outsourcing even one feed over those 730 days, whether that's for your return to work, or to allow you to have a drink, or when you are sick, or to give other caregivers a bonding opportunity, you need a steriliser and at least one bottle set. These cost the same and take up space whether you use them three times a day, or three times a year.

If you want that bottle to be full of breast milk rather than formula then you also need a pump, hand or electric, and storage containers. We got a "breastfeeding support set" which was about £150. You need to find time to pump while also making sure the baby is fed - no good emptying yourself out in the half hour before the baby wakes! The baby probably won't sleep through the noise of the pump if you're in the same room, and once they're bigger, then trying to find a solid fifteen minutes do anything without their interruption is impossible. Finding time to pump if you don't already have childcare is a fine art. And then you've got to scrub and sterilise all the pump components as well... Once you enter the world of pumping, the "messing about with bottles" argument flies out of the window. As soon as there is a bottle, formula is infinitely quicker, easier, and involves less washing up.

3. It's more convenient.

Again, true up to a point. Yes, in the middle of the night it's a marvellous thing to not be trying to mix or warm up a bottle, instead just sleepily undoing your nightie and latching the baby on in seconds. But the real winners here are the dads. Not only does the baby stop crying sooner, they are off the hook for night feeds, because even if there's expressed milk ready to go, no breastfeeding mama is going to be able to lie still while her baby does the Hungry Cry while waiting for daddy to warm a bottle. Quite apart from the noise level, the sound of the hungry baby causes a physical response of milk production. Bottle-feeding parents can share night duties, when the family is sick then bottle-feeding parents can alternate shifts to each get a solid eight hours of rest. Breastfeeding mamas have no such luxury. Exclusive breastfeeding from source is wonderfully convenient for daddies.

4. Breastfed babies don't need burping and don't have reflux.

Bollocks. Go on, ask me how I know.

5. Almost any mother can breastfeed!

Also bollocks and a really nasty line to pull on women who want to breastfeed but cannot. Note please that I'm avoiding the even more awful caveat "for genuine/valid reasons" because, as with disability, who the hell is a stranger to decide what counts as valid? There's so many factors at play.

6. There's lots of support available!

True, but it would be more useful if it was at all consistent. New mothers get conflicting advice even before leaving the hospital, as different midwives have their different ways of doing things. Websites, breastfeeding counsellors, friends and relatives, everyone has an opinion and at least half of them will believe that whatever you're doing is wrong. The price of "support" is a lot of pressure. At least formula has unequivocal correct instructions on the tin.

Don't misunderstand, I feel very fortunate that I've been able to feed Jamie. I believe, even if I can't prove, that it's been instrumental in turning him into the happy, healthy, secure little boy he is. I feel like I've achieved something significant and that I've done right by him. But I feel like the pro-breastfeeding gangs devalue their message by diluting the genuine advantages with silly half-truths that don't stand up to scrutiny, and this fanatical belief that breastfeeding is the only important duty of a mother.

46/52

Much as I love the green and blue jacket Jamie has been wearing for the last couple of months, the clocks have changed, the days are shortening, and now there's every possibility of us being outside at dusk or even when it is properly dark.

Combine that with Jamie's growth, and his ever-increasing mobility, and it was time for him to get more visible.



So, one dazzlingly bright orange jacket in size 12-18 months. What surprised me is how much more relaxed I feel even in the middle of the day, having him this visible.

I am still trying to work out the correct combinations of outerwear: the full body waterproof (but not warm/lined) splash suit, the full body warm (but not waterproof) snowsuit with button-on mittens and soft bootees, or the wellies, or the properly fitting how expensive?!?!? shoes, and when is it time to put tights/leggings under the thick fleecy trousers if he's not wearing the snowsuit and... at this rate I'll need a team of Sherpas to carry Jamie's wardrobe options to go places.

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We're out and about trying to squeeze out what we can of the natural light and fresh air before it becomes too cold/miserable to be fun, but the dim light combined with the ever-expanding walking skills mean it's a tad tricky to get photos that aren't just a blur.

This week's photo, therefore, is of an exhausted lad in his new car seat (which, thankfully, he loves and on occasion fights to get into it), clutching his prize leaf even as he snoozes.



I also present a video of Jamie enjoying autumn leaves in exactly the correct way:

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Here is my happy autumn baby. For all that he might have been present for autumn last year, he was six days old the first time we took him to the park and I doubt he was able to make much sense of his surroundings.

This year, of course, was completely different. Over the last few months he has enjoyed any number of outings to any number of parks and nature reserves and arboretums, plus of course the Eden Project. The boy likes trees. And now, in the glorious part of autumn where it's not properly cold yet, and there's colours and crunchy leaves on the ground as well as on the trees, Jamie is also learning to walk, which means a look of utter delight as he gets set down on the ground and realises he can scamper wherever he wants and really investigate things.

Of course I never get to catch that look on camera because I need both hands to let him down and steady him for a moment while he remembers how to stand and walk in shoes, but then he's off, and even over lumpy terrain can manage a good few metres before stumbling.



So instead, I get this look, which I think is "mummy, look at these leaves!" He's learning about it being ok to hold and play with them but not to put them in his mouth, he's learning about crunching them in his hands, he's learning about falling over and leaves sticking to him (along with the mud, dirt, twigs, grass clippings etc, but this is why we have a washing machine and a vacuum cleaner) and he's basically having a whale of a time. Winter and even christmas will have a lot to live up to if they want to rate alongside a park in autumn.

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I make no apologies for this week's post being late, because as some of you might already know, we celebrated Jamie's birthday with his first trip to the Eden Project. Organising our photos has been low on the priority list.




This was the furthest we've been from home and the first time we've been away more than a single night. It took a lot of planning and a lot of work before and during the trip but it was all worth it. Of course, at 1 Jamie isn't quite in a position to understand why it's amazing - for all he knows, massive bubbles full of plants is an entirely normal thing to do with a hole in the ground. But he was certainly in a position to understand that it is a precious space to his parents, and he's always loved trees. He wasn't completely sure to make of a story time with no book but he noticed that other bigger children were watching. This picture was taken in the Citrus Grove of the Mediterranean Biome, on the chair that the storytellers use.

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This week was Jamie's first birthday and hopefully I will be sharing a picture heavy post about that soon.

For now, a pre-birthday picture of a happy upside down Jamie is, I think, a nice 52 Project portrait.

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Another Mummy and Jamie week.



This was taken at one of the parks in town, next to the river at a spot where, so I'm told, the circus elephants used to be taken to be washed. The stone bench was very cold but the metal elephant statues were sun-warmed and wonderfully tactile.

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Nap time!



Steve took this picture and I love it, as it's something that happens fairly frequently (even if never quite as frequently as a mummy might wish) but something I never get to see.

Also, it features our two best blankets. My grey one was a gift Steve gave me when we first started seeing each other. And Jamie's rainbow blanket was hand-knit especially for him by his honourary auntie Clare, given to him at the hospital on his first day, and wrapping us both up in love while we got used to being two people. I'm so pleased that the weather is once again cool enough for blanket-snuggling.

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Just a cute silly one this week, of Jamie playing his spoon like a flute.



He likes mealtimes. I get a bit twitchy - current command is to just let the baby make a mess and act like that's okay, lest they end up with terrible hangups about food. On the other hand, it is nice to be able to eat a meal with him without constantly mopping him or making it a battlefield. We also seem to have dodged the "we always have to have (insert children's programme) on during mealtimes," and "the baby will only sit in the high chair for fifteen minutes tops," so there must be something in it.

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This week was (probably) the last heatwave of the summer, with "heatwave" being defined in our house as the gro-egg being angry red sad face at bedtime, or to put it in non-baby terms, over 24c/75f indoors at 9pm.

Which means it's probably also been the last outing for Jamie's paddling pool. It's not really what I would think of as a paddling pool - it's more like a puddle - but with an inflatable sunshade and an inch of water it's a good way to cool him down on a hot day.



Purchased at the start of the summer, the first time Jamie went in it he couldn't really crawl and was only just getting the hang of unsupported sitting for any length of time. It was strange to think of that while watching this strong, confident little boy who at 11 months sits upright without even thinking about it, crawls and furniture-walks anywhere he pleases, and is on the verge of being able to walk unsupported. Just one summer has seen incredible developments.

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Late again because this weekend we have been being social butterflies... And then I decided to spend Monday dashing around Doing Things so that Things wouldn't need Doing during Tuesday and Wednesday which are set to be pushing 30c.

This week's picture is from another visit to a park. Access at parks is proving a bit of a challenge, but we have a long list to work through and at least with the bigger children back at school Jamie can take his time investigating.



Jamie still isn't sure about climbing. I think part of it is also the strangeness of having shoes on when we're at the park - he manages much better barefoot but I still feel that the park is a solid soles environment.

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Daddy and Jamie this week, going out in what is teasingly referred to as daddy's shiny red sports car.



Steve never desperately wanted a convertible, red or otherwise. But with the big sensible Vauxhall Zafira Family Car containing ramps and powerchair and isofix baby-seat base being needed by me and Jamie every day, a second car was required for him to get to and from work, and this was what came up within budget, mostly because it's too old to be exciting, too modern to be a "classic", and frankly, too draughty and leaky to be a decent car to have in the UK climate. But, it was cheap, and there are some beautiful summer days when it's just right.

Jamie didn't think much of it. Admittedly they only went to the supermarket and back. But being able to see everything in bright and glorious summer sunshine was a bit too much for Jamie - Steve said he only settled down when the sunshade hood of the car seat was up and a muslin cloth draped over the handle.

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This week I took Jamie to the splash pool at one of the local parks. It was the first time - we needed the weather to be warm enough to have a splash, but not so warm that we would be toasted alive, and we needed to not have any other commitments, and we needed to not be ill... But it all came together and at last we've done it.



I wasn't sure how Jamie would take to it but he seems to have had fun. I have the distinct feeling that it was helped along by the social cues of the other children clearly enjoying themselves.

We discovered a few pitfalls that I hadn't anticipated but probably should have, the biggest one being that:
- Jamie needs to be holding two hands to walk
- I can't walk without one hand to support myself
- The splash pool is just a bit too deep for me to be able to shuffle on my knees, unless I'm prepared to get properly wet to the waist, which I'm not, because it's a free facility and therefore lacks luxuries like changing rooms and it's not really the done thing for an adult to strip off in the middle of the kiddie play area.

I settled, instead, for a minor case of Soggy Bottom from sitting on the edge of the pool and restricted Jamie to walking within arm's reach. Next time we'll see about my PA having a skirt or shorts so that she can join us in the pool. But there will definitely be a next time.

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Another tent picture this week.



The tent previously featured in Week 20 as Jamie's little chill out spot, and it continues to serve this purpose very well. Now that he's a bit bigger, we've put the inflatable mattress back in. He hated it when we first tried it, but that was probably because moving himself about on a stable surface was quite difficult enough and a squishy surface was just beyond comprehension. Now, at 10 months, he seems to quite like it... and, sometimes, he actually has a nap in there!