Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts

Friday, August 06, 2010

Geek/crip crossover

I just know that a lot of the readers of this blog will appreciate today's XKCD, even if they don't already follow it.

I'm not listening to you.  I mean, what does a SQUIRREL know about mental health?
Description: A person saying "The sleep deprivation madness worsens. Things seem unreal. Am I even awake? Maybe I'm dreaming."
The person approaches a tree with a squirrel climbing on it. The person says "I'm pretty sure I'm hallucinating this tree. But what if I'm hallucinating that I'm hallucinating and I'm actually totally sane?"
The squirrel replies "Listen. I wouldn't worry about that."

XKCD usually adds an extra comment or punchline as alt-text. Today's is "I'm not listening to you. I mean, what does a SQUIRREL know about mental health?"

I loved this strip on so many levels. It's a perfect depiction of the kind of existential worry that you only encounter when you're sleep-deprived and/or drugged up to the eyeballs, when your grip on reality is slightly fuzzed and you start to ponder the nature of reality... after all, if I am hallucinating, I will be the last person to know that my hallucinations aren't real because they'll originate from my own brain! Maybe I'm hallucinating Steve, or hallucinating the internet...

(That's what usually settles it for me. I could not possibly hallucinate even half the stuff I see online.)

(edit for picture width, although I'm still not sure I've done it right.)

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Yarn!


Yarn!
Originally uploaded by girl_of_bats
Yesterday was a nice day. Steve and I went to the Victoria Coffee House on Warwick Street for tea/coffee and scones, which was as lovely as it always is. Proper loose-leaf tea in a pot, proper coffee in a cafetiere, proper fresh warm irregularly-shaped scones with butter and clotted cream and jam... mmm. Also, wireless internets. We arrived just as the lunchtime busy-ness was easing off, which was nice.

A nice, slow afternoon involved playing some Kingdom Of Loathing, in which we're all eagerly anticipating the event of NS13. I would say we're preparing for it, except it's difficult to know how to prepare - a lot of goalposts are being shifted. I play with two characters, one who ascends regularly and tries out different character classes, and one who just gets really really powerful in one class - she's been going for a year but has only just ascended for the first time. I really enjoy exploring the game, and for NS13 I'm putting aside my current gameplay style and trying to get both my characters up to a respectable level so that (hopefully) I will be able to explore all the new content with relative ease.

I apologise that the above paragraph meant nothing to non-KOL-ers.

Anyway, yesterday evening was knitting group in Leamington. It was a nice evening and at first I hoped Steve and I could go on the bike, but then it occurred to me that although I'd be okay on the way there, getting back after sitting and knitting for a couple of hours would be beyond my capabilities. It was a shame because I think Steve has been kind of itching to get on the bike for several days now. Still, he's gone out on it today for a big-long-ride which will probably make him a happy bunny.

I have a really nice time at the knitting group. Everyone's so friendly and welcoming. Carie helped me pick out some colours for the pockets on my knitting needle case, which was really good of her because I think left to my own devices I would have given up and just ordered the exact colours suggested on the example photo on the pattern, even though I don't much like them (too much pink, not to mention a hurts-the-eyes green). Carie is really good at colours and likes choosing yarn study insulation. I've never been overwhelmed by my creative abilities, half the reason I chose knitting was because the instructions are right there, written down by someone else. But to be able to mull it over with the help of a friend was really enjoyable.

Click the picture to see the photo of the yarns we chose on my flickr stream, with notes.

Today I'm pretty shattered, after not just yesterday evening but also a rather energetic night during which I beat Steve up three times. I was dreaming about being chased and, unusually for me, being caught and having to fight off the vampire/grizzly bear/marshmallow blob/killer ants/etc. I've told him to just shove me back. He says he did. Oh well. I'll probably get used to the idea that I don't have the whole bed to myself just as soon as he takes me back home and I have a whole bed to myself again.

edited 14:20 to add tags

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

The weather seems to have given me a bit of a knock so I haven't been about too much. I've been spending far more time than is healthy lying down, wide awake, feverish and full of painkillers, with my mind wandering.

The chain of thought started with Terry Pratchett's Hogfather, which was dramatised on SkyOne last Christmas and which I recently bought on DVD. From there we went to the Coca-Cola Christmas adverts.

I also started thinking about the type of adverts that take a well-known song, and then put their own lyrics on it, like this Weetabix advert.

The next stage was how in school, up until I was about 13, we had to sing hymns in assembly each day, as well as any amount of carol concerts. Lots of songs we sang had "alternative" lyrics. "While sheperds washed their socks by night", and "we three kings of orient are trying to light a rubber cigar", "good king Wenceslas looked out, on the Feast of Stephen, a snowball hit him on the snout and made it all uneven" and hundreds of others I'm sure you can remember.

And from THERE, final leap, I fell into a sort of half-sleep full of people in a church. A priest at the front burbling a sermon, congregation variously dozing, or fidgeting, or looking disapprovingly at those who were dozing or fidgeting. The bit where the priest says something and the congregation answer in a zombie monotone.
"May the Lord be with you"
"A n d a l s o w i t h y o u"
"Let us lift up our hearts"
"w e l i f t t h e m u p t o t h e L o r d"
(Catholic primary school, this crud is etched on my brain)
The organ plays a chord, people cough and shuffle to their feet. Upon which they launch into This Bloody Frosties Advert. Complete with jumping up and down.

My mind scares me sometimes.


Oh, and as this post has far too many YouTube links in it already, I may as well stick in another one. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... Nintendo Opera.

Friday, May 04, 2007

Dagnabit

Two days!! Two blasted days of doing only the bare minimum - convenience food, minimal washing-up efforts, damn near militarised regular breaks and naps, resistance of an overwhelming compulsion to go shopping and the hell with the consequences...

Why? Well, Pip, the Littlun, and myself are all plan-free today, no doctor's appointments or playgroup or family commitments or anything. So earlier in the week, we thought, let's have a day out again, like last summer's trip to Banham Zoo.

Places we're considering include Pettitts Animal Adventure Park, or Fritton Lake, or perhaps Colchester Zoo. Of course, a day out like that requires us all to be well-rested. I have to be prepared to spend several hours solid "up and doing things", but it's poor Pip who really gets it in the shorts - pushing me in the wheelchair while carrying Littlun in the backback/chasing after Littlun on foot, plus all the driving while Littlun and I are likely to be zonked out asleep on the drive back, and possibly the drive there too.

I phoned Pip late yesterday afternoon and we agreed that the most likely plan was Pettitts. But I've just got up, bright and early, and it is GREY out there.

It's only 8am, so I'm hoping that the BBC weather is right and it's going to be mostly sunny with just a bit of (white) cloud, but seriously, Mary's Window Weather Report does not look promising.

On the bright side (well, the drizzly side), we do have Adventure Island nearby, and it's not school holidays so we should be alright there.

Oh, and I had the weirdest dreams last night... I was running around all different types of places (the flat, a stately home, a shop, a restaurant, all indoors though) painting "I am" statements on the wall with my Big Pot Of Paint and an enormous brush. You know, "I am happy" or "I am brunette" or "I am Steve's girlfriend", that sort of thing.

Update 8pm
We ended up with the master plan of going to the East Point Pavillion which houses a Tourist Information Centre, a small restaurant, and a big indoor play area. Pip took the Littlun into the play area while I collected up an assortment of leaflets for family days out - basically everything for the area that wasn't a stately home, museum, or other obviously non-two-year-old-friendly venue.

I couldn't really participate a great deal, unfortunately. The Pavillion has three floors. The ground floor contains the Tourist Information, the restaurant, the kitchens, and the loos, as well as the baby soft-play area and a couple of ball-pools where the big slides finish. Then the entirety of the first AND second floors are more of the main playground. Pip got a good workout - Littlun is at that awkward size where he's definitely too big for the baby area, but too small to manage some of the larger obstacles, and too adventurous to stay within eyesight of the adult seating, but too young for Pip to be able to just leave him to it completely while we sit on the ground floor with a cuppa. Still, the place was practically empty, and the three of us had a wonderful fight in the ball-pool. After about an hour Littlun was quite worn out, so we went and got some Unlucky Fried Chicken for lunch and then back to their house for a nap.

Not quite the day out we had hoped for, but a good day nevertheless. And now I'm shattered.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Save Me From My Fragile Little Mind

So, the last few days I've been in a bit of a strange condition. My body has been out to get me, muscles cramping, joints protesting, legs going out from under me, hands dropping things, throat on fire, you name it. But my brain (and it is there, they've checked) has been probably the best it's been this year, and I've managed to get a load of important stuff done in terms of filing, phone calls, and plotting what to do once my body is behaving again.

As you might imagine, I'm having quite a bit of trouble sleeping. I lie there in bed thinking "tired, want to sleeeeeeeep" but the physical aches and pains just keep on shouting at me. Last night I gave up. As well as my usual painkillers I took a little bit of Diazepam, which is lovely stuff for relieving muscle pain and also for helping me get to sleep. It's also really easy to build up a tolerance to it, or become addicted, which is why I only let myself use it a couple of times a month.

Thus followed a night of sleep, yes, but unusually also of bizarre dreams, some of which I remember very clearly.

The first one I can remember is one I've had a few times now. There's a big house with a big driveway and big gardens... and hundreds upon hundreds of cars. But the whole property appears deserted. I go into the house and start exploring (not sure why) and eventually find a room where a girl who looks a bit like my sister is lying in a kind of suspended animation. As I walk in she "comes to life" and explains that she's really eighty years old, and that the house is owned by her boyfriend who's a bit of a mad scientist character. He keeps arranging parties and meetings and the suchlike at the house and then kidnapping the attendees, taking them down to the cellar, and sucking out their life-force to keep her young and pretty. She doesn't mind so much but it would be nice for her if she could have a chat with them first as she's tired of never leaving the house and only seeing Mad Scientist Boyfriend. Enter Mad Scientist Boyfriend himself, who starts chasing us both around the house and gardens, waving a machete in one hand and a Standard Mad Scientist Green Bubbling Beaker in the other.

The second is one I've had since I was about six. Imagine a really BIG apartment building in a huge city, with metal fire-escapes criss-crossing the whole side of the building. Imagine something like a cross between the Marble Zone and the Star Light Zone in Sonic the Hedgehog. A nameless and terrifying figure in black (Death, the Wicked Witch, a creature made of binbags, depending on my age and frame of mind) is chasing me around the web of fire escapes. Like Sonic, the action is entirely in 2-D, although every so often I bang on one of the doors on the "back wall" if I can see light, hear voices, etc. No one ever answers.

The final dream I had was the strangest. It wasn't one I've had before and involved a fair few Real People.

It started on a film set for a Thomas the Tank Engine movie, although sometimes it was a movie and sometimes it was "real life". The train drivers were all people I knew though - Steve, Pip, The Goldfish, Aibee and Daniel, my parents, all there. There was also Tom Reynolds driving Bertie the Bus. I regret to inform my readers that I cannot remember (ahem) who took the part of the Fat Controller.

Everyone had their own little bit of storyline doing what they did best. The Goldfish and me came up with an ingenious scheme to make Annie and Clarabel completely accessible (alas, I can't remember the details). Pip built the extra parts and Steve wired and programmed it all, and while Annie and Clarabel were out of action being modified, Tom Reynolds and Bertie the Bus did a sterling job of driving the passengers at breakneck speeds to meet their connections at the next station where Aibee and Daniel were waiting. We'd just finished the modifications when he pulled up in Bertie and said that they'd been offered a job as an ambulance helping Harold the Helicopter (as piloted by Dominocat.

We all went to, er, "somewhere" to celebrate, it was a large theatre but seemed to be a house as well. We decided to play hide and seek upon which Reynolds announced that he had been Shakespeare in a former life (everyone accepted this quite happily) and knew all the secret passages in the theare. He helped me to the stage, pressed a few bits of wall, and then hid me behind a curtain, all the while insisting that it was the safest, most secret place there was. Then he dashed off to help other people and I saw that everyone was hiding in various curtains, except Pip's Littlun, who was counting, and Steve, who was making everybody a drink and telling us we must be found before our tea got cold. Reynolds came back saying he'd run out of blankets and could he borrow my curtain, so we pulled it down...

I woke up completely under my duvet.
I have decided that I must spend less time with the Littlun, less time playing counting-games with the Littlun, less time watching Thomas the Tank Engine with the Littlun... it's only a mercy that I haven't really been involved in the potty-training effort.

Edit/Update: I've been having trouble hearing and this afternoon my left ear started leaking pus, so I rang NHS direct who sent me to see a doctor and the upshot is that my sore throat isn't just the usual CFS sore throat, I've got an ear and throat type of infection and am running a fever with it. That explains a lot. It took about a minute and a half from me walking into the consulting room for the doctor to look in my ears and ask if I was allergic to antibiotics. Not sure if that's a good or a bad thing, but nevertheless I have some tablets and should feel better within a week.