Sunday, April 06, 2014

Not the return I'd hoped for

You thought the adventures in cake were pathetic?


It can be safely said that 2013 was a catastrophically bad year for me. Things happening to and around me that I could not influence, things I tried to do going horribly wrong despite my best efforts. I would go so far as to say that it was the worst year of my life (the previous contender being around 1998; the big difference being that now I'm in my 30s I have more and better coping strategies than my teenage self). Some of it was single events, some of it was longer-term dramas that just went from bad to worse in ways that would be dismissed by soap-opera writers as simply too implausible. Much of it is still ongoing. Most of it I prefer to keep off the internet.

Still, there were good things. There was sunshine. There was a trip to see friends and family. There were two trips to the Eden Project. There was blue hair.

And through it all, there was my blog, dusty and neglected. I kept thinking about posting but couldn't. Every time I sat down to write, it just seemed too personal or too pointless - or sometimes both.

Coping strategies, right? I should just sit down and write something. Get on with it. Worried about it being too personal? Okay, write something impersonal. Can't think of anything to write about? Well, do something you can write about, and then write about that.

Out came the daffodils, and they reminded me of a primary school "science experiment" where we put food dye in the vases of cut daffodils. The flowers pull up the coloured water, and the petals take on the colour of the dye. For the competent among you, here's the instructions.

So. This blog post was meant to be a nice, positive comeback, lots of pretty pictures, of my lovely yellow daffodils, followed by my lovely multicoloured daffodils.

Unfortunately, this week I've thrown out about a dozen daffodils that... well. If you peered closely, under a good light, you'd recognise a few streaks of colour, but before that, the word that would come to mind would be "dead". "Withered", perhaps, if you were feeling generous.

It's only a mercy that I don't have offspring to look disappointed at me and demand to know why it hasn't worked.


The Goldfish said...

Really sorry last year was so tough for you. Soap opera problems are particularly isolating, as they usually involve the people who make up the backbone of your support network - the folk you'd normally speak to about your troubles or go to to get away from them. It's also in the nature of the beast that they don't clear up quickly. But life does move on, folks move on and wounds do mend.

Hope that things are looking up now. I think you demonstrate an entirely positive approach with this blog; no perfect cheery ignore-the-negative comeback, but you came back anyway.

Here's to a much better summer.

Heather said...

So sorry for the tough year! :( Hope things get better soon. I have a quick question & was wondering if you could email me when you have a free moment. Thanks! hvsj12 at gmail dot com =)