Sunday, June 11, 2006
Steve and I had a lovely last day at his house in Leamington. I woke up feeling pretty good so I was able to fix us breakfast in bed - cups with lids mean that as long as I can move, it's safe for me to crawl up the stairs with hot drinks, cos they won't spill all over me and scald me. Cups both in one hand, packet of pain au chocolat held in the teeth, up the stairs on knees and other hand, and then Steve who decided he would run downstairs to grab plates to save us from crumbs. Which left me feeling a bit "damn" but I didn't really mind.
A decent breakfast and cup of tea meant I felt fighting fit for the day ahead and so we decided to go out on the bike. We went to Warwick to visit Steve and Andy, (friends of ours who have a business together who Steve had done a little piece of computery-wizardry for) but when we turned up they were just waiting for some people for a business meeting, so we decided to head on to Stratford-Upon-Avon and find lunch there.
Being out on the bike is fantastic. Steve's bike is very comfortable - it's not one of the sports bikes with the really uncomfortable tiny seats - and he's a very experienced and safe rider. He doesn't show off, or weave in and out of traffic, or try and do wheelies, he just enjoys the ride and that means that so do I. We're very responsible about only ever going out when we're both absolutely sure that I am having a Good Day and am definitely up to it, and we take phones, medication, cash and credit cards with us so that if, IF something goes wrong, we can get me a taxi home or get a room or whatever is necessary. Steve is very emphatic that to enjoy it properly we have to minimize the risks as much as we possibly can. And I do enjoy it, I really do, feeling so free and whizzing along with the sounds and the smells and the bike between my legs and Steve there in front of me and the Warwickshire countryside all around. It's wonderful being able to share something like that with the man I love.
Thursday afternoon we drove back to Lowestoft (in the car - we can strap the folding walking stick onto the bike but I don't think it'd work with my suitcases and the wheelchair for a four-hour drive). There was a gorgeous sunset, but every layby had a big screen of trees obscuring it.
Friday I had a neurologist's appointment. It was just a "turn up and wave" type of thing, as there's nothing they can do for me. The neurologist was running an hour late. The department staff, though, were angels - every so often one of them would come round with a tray of plastic cups of lemon squash which was really welcome. After about 45 minutes waiting I got one of my Headaches From Hell and started crying right there in the waiting room, that was embarassing. A woman came over and offered me a wet-wipe - I don't know what help she thought it would be, I think she just wanted to do something. Steve got me a cup of squash and I had some painkillers and that helped, but I was a mess by the time we saw the doctor and I can't remember a thing he said, or what his name was, only that he's going to write to my GP, so I'm guessing anything important will be in that letter.
The rest of the day is a blur. I know I must have dozed in the car, I know I was full of painkillers, I know I didn't want to sleep because I'd been having bad dreams and because I didn't want to waste any of the time I had left with Steve. We had lunch, and then we went into town and got some passport photos done of me, two for me to apply for my Blue Badge for disabled parking, and two for me to actually apply for a passport. Then we had a look in H Samuels because I wanted a new watch.The one I picked is very pretty - silver with a kind of mottled blue face. I was going to buy it myself but Steve waved me away saying he'd get it as a present and I could think about him every time I checked to see what time it was. Silly boy, I think about him all the time anyway.
I wish he hadn't gone, or that I could have gone with him. I don't mind so much spending time on my own when he's "around" - in the shower, or in another room, or at work - but it's not nice when we're this far apart.
at 4:34 pm